In Five Decades Time

In Five Decades Time

Waiting, in brilliant solitude

For his love to seek mine

Wanting, the beautiful one

For his heart to feel mine

Dreaming, the lonely one

For his eyes to see mine

Knowing, the promised one

Will lay his hand in mine

Loving, the patient one

In five decades time

Spare Me Your Little Things

So insignificant are these little things that you have placed before me... 

I have no desire to entertain you 

It is with a guilty heart that you speak with such passion...

Spare me your little things

You had forsaken every heart that opened ...

You walked ten feet tall 

It was you who had the nerve to say, “Look at all I have done” ...

As if pleased with your acts of self righteousness 

Stand pretty, little lion heart, and kindly bow your head ...

And I will snap your neck with a gentle twist and send you on your way 

With twisted tongue and tainted breath

You have nothing left to say... 

"When the Lead Breaks" by Clara Wilson

To write, or not to write

My passion is a flighty whim,

To speak, or not to speak

My words sometimes forsake me...

To feel, or not to feel

My soul is at capacity,

I have put pen to paper

Until the ink runs dry,

On to my weapon of choice

And then the lead breaks...

So I scream loud unto an empty room

"Why do I have to be the strong one?!"

I can weep before the blind,

I can scream before the deaf,

And I can hide within my shadow...

I can curse the darkness,

And I can damn the light,

for neither give me freedom...

I have been the pages in a book,

Turned only to meet the end...

I have crawled into a picture frame,

To be admired then left to hang...

Forced not to speak with a swiftfull gesture

Of a hand pressed to my lips...

Silenced for less than a spoken word,

It can be easily read in my eyes...

And I can loose my way and my release

If when pressed to hard the lead breaks...

"I started writing when I was about 11. Over the years I have written poems, short stories and anything that I was feeling at any given time. I kept journals, notebooks, scratch paper and most currently files on my computer. I always had a desire to do more with my writings. I wanted to share my experiences with people in a way that was just more than words on paper. What a gift I have been given, with photography, as a means of making this happen in a medium that I feel I can truly express all that I have written throughout my life! 

I know that all may not understand my words. Having the ability to put images with my writings and complete a story has given me a sense of completion with every series I have done. It is very emotional for me, but it is welcomed emotion. I love to feel...anger, sadness, joy! Stuffing everything inside and letting it grow into a wall of bitter separation between me and the life I want to live. I feel like I have found my release, my way of processing and exposing myself for those that care to know.

I dream of doing this for other people too, helping them express through written word and imagery their life experiences that have made them who they are today. Everyone wants to be seen and be heard. There is no better feeling than to have others say, " I know what that feels like, I have been there too, you are not alone".

I used to wish I had found a way sooner, as I was approaching my middle aged years, but I realize now that this is my time...this was the right time for me. We all have a voice that yearns to be heard. That is what this series and story is about. Being told to be quiet, being told to keep it in...being told that to show emotions is a sign of weakness. A story of secret self expression because nobody wants to hear your voice.

I have finally found mine and what a sense of relief it has brought to me. I wish for others to find theirs as well..."
~~Clara~~

Watch me Write my Name in the Sand...

She is soft spoken at times,

I notice this when she is embracing something new...

She whispers, as if not to startle the moment,

"Mom, can I go in the water?"...

"Yes Jacie, you can go in the water"...

Her strides consist of inches, 

she is a cautious one...

She says, "Mom, can I go out a little further?"

I say, "Yes Jacie"...

She says, "Mom, can I make a sand castle?"

I say, "Of course Jacie"...

And I looked at that castle and it made me smile,

She had made the best darn sand castle I had ever seen in my life...

When she was done with her castle she said, "Mom, can I be a mermaid?"

I said, "Yes Jacie"...

And when I saw her sitting on that rock flapping her little feet like a fin,

I knew she was the sweetest mermaid I had ever seen...

And after all that could be done was done,

she knew the time was coming to leave,

So she took a few minutes to say goodbye to her sand castle 

and she dipped her feet in one more time...

I packed up our things and asked her if she was ready to leave,

She looked at me and whispered,

"Mom, before we leave can you watch me write my name in the sand?"

I said

"Yes Jacie"...

And when I saw her name in the sand I remembered the exact moment I chose her name...

I knew, before she took her first breath, that I would have these moments with her...

"My Jacie"

We Live, We Learn and We Love

I took the girls to the studio for the evening,

to show them how to chase the light...

I set the settings on my camera,

to get the exposure just right...

I told my daughter, Aydria, 

that she could be the photographer...

And then my other daughter, Jacie,

picked up this hat and we filled the room with laughter...

As Aydria giggled from behind the lens Jacie soon lost all composure,

She flung her arms around me and said

"you're the bestest mom ever"

 I take pride in my work and time I have invested in learning all I can. I want to share this with my children. They have spent many hours in front of my camera, listening to me guide them and direct them. I decided to take the evening to explain to them what certain things mean. When I tell them to find the light I don't think they always understood, so I would have to position them and guide them. I taught Aydria, a few years back, how to bounce light with a reflector. This day I wanted to teach her how the settings on the camera controlled how much light came in to the image. She would take a picture and I would have her look at it. Is it to bright? Is it to dark? Where are your shadows falling? While she still needs more time, and much more practice, I think that helping her understand how this all works will help her during our next shoot...as she is one of my favorite muses. I also spent today showing Jacie how to use a reflector. At the ripe young age of six she learned how to catch the light and make it fall on the subject. I showed her by example, then I let her practice while I stood in as her model. All the images in this series were shot by Aydria. Of course I did the editing and post work, but the angles and directions were choices she had to make as the photographer. All in all it was a good evening, and lots of fun. I wouldn't trade days like this for anything. 

(behind the scenes)

Within the House of Sanity

Within the House of Sanity

When I was a child I used to pretend that my dolls could hear what I was saying

That inside their plastic and porcelain heads they had little doll brains

I used to think they were my friends

They watched over me...

They watched me...

They watched...

Within my House of Sanity...

Lost in the Darkness

Lost in the Darkness

by 

Clara Wilson

Do not attempt to pacify me with words

I will turn and walk away

Ignorance spoken with a smile

Grinning like a menacing dog 
Go lay in a corner while i point and laugh~haha
Do not attempt to satisfy me with a line
Spoken with a smile, while recoiling like a Ssssnake
Spineless cowardliness at it's finest
Go lay in the corner pitiful soul
Lick your wounds and howl at the lonely moon
I will continue to point and laugh~sad, sad sorry man
Pursuer of all things broken, only to have as prey
A predator of flesh and full of lies, Stalking from behind the screen
Beware the bluest of blue,
Shining, blinding, hiding lust
Do not look deep lest you drown
It would be better to claw my own eyes out